Have you ever...

Have you ever embarked on a course of action that you suspect won't be good for you? Or that would be good in some part, but bad in others?

Four weeks ago, I signed my name to an intensive physiotherapy regime, for six weeks, to get my back back to ship-shape after a car accident just before Christmas.

I knew that this, in combination with Buddhist studies and my BC Geography class, would render my free time obsolete. And the free time I have had, I've been tired, with little energy to see anyone. So... I knew I was embarking on an isolationist path, and isolation and I don't always go so well together. And now, at the 4 week mark, I haven't really seen anyone for weeks. I miss everyone. I feel alone. I'm behind in my studies. And I find myself thinking...

I have these dreams, of working in third world countries, and have had them since I was a teenager. Pretty far away from my friends and family, no?

And "shouldn't" I be "OK" by myself? BTW, should-ing is a pet peeve of mine, which I don't think anyone should beat on themselves with. So I use "shouldn't" as a signpost itself.

I will mention, having just remembered this myself, that I did take myself to the island last weekend, to be with Dad & Marie, and Mum & Donn. I really needed to be there, with family, and it was a wonderful visit. And my wonderful friend Craig helped me to do that worry-free, by looking after Quiero, my ultra-soft, green-eyed, black little cat. Thank you Craig.

Why is four weeks away from everyone so tough? I do "like the company I keep in the quiet moments". And perhaps that is the key. Perhaps it is about moments, not days and weeks at a time. And maybe it's good to miss people. But what if i go away for a year? For 18 months? What will that look like?

On my fridge is a magnet. It says "Do the thing you think you cannot do". I bought it a few years ago, with a particular friend in mind, who I thought might benefit from a nudge. I never gave it to him. And now, it serves as a daily reminder, to keep risking, to keep growing. It keeps nudging me towards the biggest changes i've ever contemplated. Thinning out my strange and wonderful possessions (which in turn, possess me); get light enough to be able to pick up and go! Wherever I want.

Then there's the dream of meeting someone, someone to share my life with, someone to build a life with - guess I don't plan to meet that person here and grow roots! Or do I? Would I? What questions...